and then there were six

the birth of our theodore douglas

He came, less like a raging whirlwind, more like a slowly building storm.

Not the scary, destructive kind, but the summer evening ones that are forecasted well in advance, where you see the clouds building in the distance, drifting towards you, so close and heavy with drops that if you stretch your fingertips just far enough, it almost seems you could grasp them, crack the sky open yourself instead of waiting for the clouds to break. ⁣⁣

Thunderstorms can change everything in a moment: upend plans, rearrange schedules, shift certainty once etched in stone into mere erasable pencil marks. They surprise you even when you know they're coming, and even in their gravity add a cleansing tranquility. ⁣⁣

They're my favorite kind of storm. ⁣⁣

And that's how he came, our Theodore Douglas, less like a raging whirlwind and more like a slowly building summer storm.⁣⁣

Eight days past when predicted, he descended steadily through the thunderclaps and lightning strikes of my longest labor yet.

And just when I was certain he could take no longer/I could take no more, the waters broke. We became he and me as he made his entrance, from water to water. Just like that, the weight of tension and anticipation gave way to sweet relief and rejoicing as we welcomed our precious Teddy into the world.⁣⁣

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Storm abated, we're happily settling into life as a family of 8. But like the elderly woman whose joints ache when rain is on the way, I've learned and am learning to recognize the rumblings in the distant sky that indicate another, less welcome storm is imminent. ⁣⁣

I withstand the turbulent winds of baby blues and dodge the lightning strikes of self-criticism, coming home to myself instead. You are safe here, I tell myself, in this new body, that's held life 8 times over and delivered it 6. Take your time, get to know this new iteration of yourself who has been born alongside your son.

I retreat from the hurricane of postpartum depression, as much as one can, grabbing the rescue rope, the life buoy, the escape vehicle--rest, therapy, vitamins, meds, fresh air, the Word. I know firsthand how quickly clear skies can darken, so though I stay present, I don't let the fair weather fool me.⁣⁣

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I love this version of my life. I know myself so much better than I did even a year or two ago. I more readily recognize which storms are worth weathering and which I should run from for cover. I have a partner who covers and supports me every step of the way, and six beautiful children whom I in no way deserve to mother, yet here I am, mothering them. ⁣⁣

Welcome to Team Holston, Theodore Douglas, you precious gift from God. We're so, so glad you're here.⁣⁣